The One About Sororities

{disclaimer: I love my sweet friends in sororities & I believe they are a wonderful way to connect and meet life long friends– this is in no way trash talk}

 

Panhellenic recruitment is happening at Baylor this week.  That means stressed, scared and overtired freshman girls (and a few sophomores & juniors) are wandering around Baylor campus – probably in the rain.  Somehow, it always rains at least one day during recruitment week – just to make things even more stressful.  It also means some people will join a group of women that will enhance their lives in numerous ways.  It also means that some people will be disappointed and hurt.  Some people will change their profile pictures on Facebook and others will watch the profile pictures be changed, pretending not to feel excluded or sad.

 

I’m saying this because I know.  I rushed last year;  I went to the parties, small-talked until I lost my voice, and stressed every morning when I got my lists.  I also dropped out on the fourth day.  I had prayed about it and felt that it was something God was calling me to do, for my best interests (*disclaimer: this is not a sorority-bash post, and my dropping was something I felt God calling me personally to, not something I think he calls everyone to do).

 

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of posts from sorority women giving advice to sweet PNMs.  I am so proud of them for encouraging the girls that no matter where you end up, God will provide, God is faithful, and God is good.  They’re right – some of you will meet your best friends, your bridesmaids, maybe even your husband through greek life.  That’s absolutely fabulous – life is so enriched by new friends and new experiences.  Greek life can be a spectacular way to make connections, make wonderful friendships, and have a great time at college.

 

However, I haven’t seen any posts written to the girls who don’t get what they want and decide to leave the Panhellenic recruitment process (or those who are not “pref’ed” by any sororities).  It’s not exactly a happy subject – leaving the process, being disappointed.  But, I feel like it’s something I need to talk about.  Why?  Because, I’ve been there.  And I want to write some things for these girls, for you –  beautiful, strong, empowered, smart you. 

 

I struggled through watching Bid Day pictures appear on Facebook, I struggled through watching Big/Little pictures pop up in my newsfeed, and I struggled through watching my friends attend events that I didn’t.  And this all happened even though I chose to leave the process on my own.  I want you to know something, sweet girls: it’ll be okay.  You can get through it, and you’ll come out on the other side stronger and more sure of yourself with friends you might never have thought you’d have.  The hurt feelings will fade.  It’s not always easy to remember, but God provides.  

 

We are so blessed to have a God who is not exclusive.
He has called you beloved.  
He has called you to a bright future filled with joy and possibility.  
He loves you & is with you every step of every day.

 

You are wanted.
You are dear to Him.
You are never forgotten.
You are worth it.

 

Ladies, sometimes college can seem like all there is.  Sometimes, a sorority can seem like the be all and end all of having a wonderful college experience.  But it’s not.  A sorority can enhance your college experience, but it’s not the only way to have a wonderful, sweet, loving group of friends.  It’s not the only way to meet smart, capable, and lovely people.  It’s not the only way to make connections.  It’s not the only way to do life.

 

You are capable of creating your own wonderful college experience.  You choose whether you have four years worth remembering and worth treasuring.  Let me emphasize that: you choose.  God sometimes takes us through hard experiences to help us really understand who we are and to bring us closer to our ultimate goals.  Sometimes, God’s plan isn’t clear, but we know that it is good.  

 

When I decided to leave recruitment, I didn’t know why and I didn’t really want to.  I was unhappy with the sororities I had left, but I didn’t want to quit altogether until I heard the resounding “NO” from God.  I didn’t know why He was calling me not to, but I left.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through.  I was hurt and confused.  However, God has shown me throughout this year that I was called to something different.  My path wasn’t the one I was on, and that’s okay.  In fact, it’s more than okay.  I have met some wonderful people.  I’ve been accepted for internships and joined Crane Scholars.  I had a birthday dinner for 30+ and have late night movie nights with friends.  I have a wonderful, beautiful, blessed life.  God is good, this I know.  I may not have understood it then, but I do now.

 

You – no matter what you decide, no matter whether you join a sorority (the one you wanted or the one you didn’t), whether you decide not to, or whether that decision is decided for you – are beautiful.  You are strong and you decide where your life goes from here.  Picture it like a Disney movie – you are on the upswing.  You are about to make a comeback.  You are the a warrior, brave and strong.  The female lead in your story.  A daughter of a King.

 

Don’t be bitter.  Don’t be angry.  Allow yourself some time to lick wounds if necessary, and allow yourself some time to celebrate.  Realize that this decision, albeit important, will not decide your whole life.  Realize where your priorities lie – living for God, following His will, loving others and pursuing them as Christ pursues us; these are things worth dwelling on.  Dwelling on rejection and hurt?  All that leads to is bitterness.

 

And you are way too pretty to be bitter.

 

If you’re joining a sorority, congratulations!!  I’m so happy for you and am praying for you every step of the way: you are going to meet so many wonderful people, make a difference through your philanthropy, and have a great time!  My Greek friends have had absolutely fantastic experiences and I’m so excited for the journey God has ahead of you.  Cherish it & remember what a blessing these wonderful women are.  They’re so special and so are you.

good luck & happy recruitment!

Seeking Perfection [and where I found it]

Insecurity pushes us to do strange things.  Growing up in an intense prep school, I learned right away that I was definitely not the smartest person there.  I never worried about being the best, because I knew I wasn’t.  That was a good thing, I think.  I was never prideful, and I realized that numbers and letters on a report card don’t define me.  I realized that doing my best, excelling as well as I could, is all you can do.As I got to college though, armed with study strategies and test prep, I found myself the proud owner of a 4.0 and member of honor societies and honors colleges and compliments from friends that I had it so together.  I immediately swelled.  It was like my head grew ten sizes all at once.  All of that humility and contentment with doing my best vanished in one instant.

I had to be the best.
I would show them all.
I have to make a 4.0 or I will be worthless.The desperation to maintain this image overwhelmed me.  The pride I felt with finally feeling like I had something to offer was so wonderful that I seemed to lose myself, my goals, who I was in the process.  I felt like I was trying to keep up a farce that was slipping away.  They’ll find out I’m not that smart, I’m not that great.  I felt so fake and even my accomplishments didn’t fill the hole that was growing larger and larger in my chest.  I was emptying out.  I was hollow and broken.

I think this is where the best stuff happens.  In that brokenness, I mean.  When you’re so hollow, it seems nothing can fill you.  Thankfully, God has such an immense capacity to fill and provide and pour into me so that I am anything but hollow– filled with His spirit and love and reassurance that who I am is enough, that my best is enough, that I, insecure and dirty and broken, am beautifully and wondrously enough.

The best part about looking at myself like this is that I find that I am smart.  I am blessed with opportunity and a bright future and the ability to work hard and do more and be more.  However, that isn’t who I am.

I’m not my grades.
I’m not my weight.
I’m not how nice I am to people or how many times I’ve stumbled.

I am a child of God, called to closeness with the One who knows me best.  The one who cares for me and loves me and cherishes me as I am, dirt and all.  We are created to love and be loved, mirroring the love that God so generously lavishes on us daily in our lives with others (and with ourselves).  That is who I am.  A mirror and a magnifying glass and a sweet reflection of He who is GREAT, who is POWERFUL, who is LOVE.

I am so glad to not live up to something I will never achieve.

Perfection isn’t possible, y’all.  It’s only possible in HIM who helps us overcome imperfections and live in the beauty that overwhelms the empty spaces in us.  He is perfect, and we are not.  That is such a wonderful promise- we don’t live up to perfection, we live up to doing our best and working hard in the tasks before us, but we aren’t called to perfection.

Be thankful that you aren’t living up to that standard.  Be thankful that you are a child of God, finding identity there in that beautiful space.  You are worth it, just as you are.

Never worthy, but deemed worth it by a God who knows me best and loves me anyway.
That’s better than a 4.0, I think.

The (elusive) Simple Life

We are constantly changing.  We are growing, evolving, maturing.  Our likes and dislikes, our pet peeves and favorite things, the coffee we drink and the food we eat, the way we dress and the way we spend our time are always morphing.  We grow older, maybe a little wiser, and then mess up and start again.  It’s this constant process, this consistent attempt to trade-up that is hard and scary and weird.  The future is looming in this very near, very palpable way, and it’s all so hazy and unclear.  We are scared and we forget to trust God.I stress over the littlest things.  I was talking to my friend Anna over lunch today, and she told me that she feels like she moves from worry to worry, and if she has nothing to worry about, she makes something up.  That is so completely true of our generation.  We stress and we worry and we obsess until there’s hardly anything left and then we overanalyze some more.

What ever happened to the simple life?

It was swallowed up in iPhones, texting and read receipts, cult TV shows, empty Starbucks cups, sonic straw wrappers, and a constant schedule telling us what to do and when to do it.  We are losing something so vital to our lives: peace, stillness, reflection.  There is this essential quality that we have lost, Christians and non-Christians alike.  Let’s get back to that place.

I’ve been losing myself lately in this hectic college mess of midterms and studying and coffee dates.  I feel it in the marrow of my bones, in my soul, and in the core depth of what makes up my likes, my fears, and my preferences.  There is this palpable feeling of loss and lacking.  Ever so quietly, I can barely hear a still voice that keeps whispering ever so gently, “Come back”.  I feel myself yielding, however, to the loud noise that surrounds me constantly.  I watch TV for hours, I study for hours, I see people and talk about nothing and everything for hours, and yet, I can’t spend ten minutes with Jesus, the one I call the love of my life, my everything, my all in all.  Who am I?  Who am I becoming?

We have to seek the stillness.  We have to search for it and work for it.  It’s not easy and it’s not quick.  It’s a process and something you fail at a lot.  I am trying and  to follow that still small voice that Elijah obeyed.  I am listening harder every day, every moment so that I don’t forget who I am.  I pray for reminders of my heavenly reality and of my inheritance.  I pray for peace and stillness so that I can hear that small whisper that fills every corner of my broken and sinful heart with warmth.  In the noise, I get lost.  In the stillness, I am found.

Let’s stop hearing the noise and the radio feedback, and listen for the voice that is whispering beneath the layers of TV dialogue, Siri, and the conflicting sounds all around us.

Take a moment and Listen.

I Choose to Believe that I am Enough

Look at these women.What do they have in common? Tan. Thin. No glasses. Half naked. Leggy. Long hair. What else do they have in common? They’re all leading ladies in popular movies over the past seven years.  I don’t know about y’all, but the more I watch movies, the more I wonder if who I am is enough.  Am I too fat?  Is my hair too short or too straight?  Are my clothes all wrong?  Will I ever find romance without wearing short skirts and too tight tops?  According to the media, the answer is that I am not enough and I won’t find romance if I don’t fit that ideal of beauty.

I am scared for the girls of tomorrow.  Heck, I’m scared for the girls of today.  I’ve talked to too many women who are consumed with self doubt because they are not a size two, don’t have long beautiful hair, or tan skin.  We work out and we skimp on calories.  We watch as the media’s definition of beauty gets smaller and smaller, until “plus size” is a size eight.  We allow ourselves to forget God’s definition of beauty, and constantly obsess over the world’s ideals.  If being a woman is what I see in the movies, I am worth sex, I am worth a good bikini, and I should spend every day fearing growing older and losing my only identity – my body.

I refuse to believe that anymore.

I refuse to believe that my worth lies in my cup size and a number on the scale.

I refuse to believe that I am not beautiful if I do not look like the women in the movies.

This is what I believe.  I choose to believe that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”.  I choose to believe that who I am is more important than what I look like.  I choose to believe that healthiness is more important than skinniness.  I choose to believe that kindness, intelligence, respect, spiritual maturity, and love are what make me beautiful.  I choose to believe that taking care of myself is more important than starving myself to fit an ideal that is impossible to achieve.I choose to believe that God made me as he wanted me.  Every feature on my face, the pigment in my skin, the color in my eyes, the length of my legs, and every single aspect of what makes me look like me was designed with intention by the God who created the beauty in the trees, the sky, and the mountains.  I choose to believe that He called them “good”, and also called me “good”.  I choose to believe that God looks upon me as I strive toward a closer relationship with Him, a purer heart, and a spirit emboldened by love and sees beauty.  I walk with confidence that God has instilled within me the power to change the world, the power to love the forgotten, and the power to believe that I am created for a purpose exactly as I look right now.

I choose to believe that I am beautiful.

Do you?